


Magical Quests & Heroic Deeds

by little_sloth



Category: South Park
Genre: F/F, F/M, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-06-25 11:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15639507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_sloth/pseuds/little_sloth
Summary: Kit moves to a new town with his parents. The strange and slightly terrifying thing is that he can't remember anything from before they moved to the quiet mountain town of South Park. Without knowing anything from his own past, he decides to follow his parents' suggestion and make friends. As he embarks on journies flued by imagination, but South Park is far more than just a quiet mountain town, and Kit is hoping that with his new found friends that he can reclaim his memories and figure out why his parents are doing their best to keep him from knowing the darkest of their secrets.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This my first South Park fanfic, after playing Stick of Truth through twice and playing the sequel, Fractured But Whole twice, once with the downloadable content, From Dusk until Casa Bonita and Bring the Crunch, I decided to write a story from the New Kid's perspective. The first part will be from Stick of Truth (twenty chapters), the second part will be from Fractured But Whole (twenty chapters), and the third part will be the New Kid trying to live a normal existence among the strangness that seems to gravitate toward South Park. I'm hoping they will be making a third game. Please let me know what you think about this story with comments and kudos.  
> -little sloth

The day Kit’s parents told her they had to move again was right after she returned home from seeing _How to Train Your Dragon 2_ with her best friends, Madeline and Zoe. Kit thought everything in her life was going great, they had lived in the small town of Roeland, Kansas for almost two years.

Before that they moved from state to state within a year, her parents had never given her a clear explanation as to why they had to move, all her mother said was that it was for her own protection. And her father only parroted her mother, except he would ruffle her hair  _ affectionately _ and call her sweet pea. 

Later on that same night she had spent with her best friends, Kit was once again packing up her belongings into the cardboard boxes her dad had hauled down from the attic. She was just about to tape down her last box of clothes. Her mother knocked on her door softly and entered when Kit mumbled in both anger and sadness, “Come in.”

Her mother placed a plate of summer sausage, cheddar cheese slices, and Ritz crackers. It was her favorite snack and Kit could not help feeling that her mother was about to give her more bad news. Her mother sat on her pale purple bedspread that was decorated with rainbows and butterflies. A couple minutes later her father entered, her mother and father looked as if they had both accidentally swallowed a bug.

Her father cleared his throat before he could speak, “We need you to pretend to be a boy when we move to this new town.”

Kit quirked and eyebrow and did an awful job of not laughing so hard her rib cage and stomach ached. She wiped tears of mirth from her Arctic blue eyes. When she opened her eyes, she noticed that her parents were not laughing with her. Kit swallowed and felt the realization wash over her, her parents were not joking, they were serious.

“It’s for my own protection, right?” Kit did not even bother to cover up her devastated sigh.

It was her father who gave her a one armed hug, “Yes, honey, everything we have done has been to protect you.”

Kit had a million questions swarming around in her head but she knew that if she asked, she would not get any of the answers she desired. Maybe pretending to be the opposite gender she had been born as would be interesting instead of giant pain the ass? Kit didn’t really wear girly clothes anyway, and her mother claimed that she was far too young for makeup.  And as long as she remained silent and did not speak to anyone in the new town would know she was a girl masquerading as a boy.

Her mother was the one who cut her sandy brown back length until it was sweeping slightly above her shoulders, they also went shopping for clothing that was far more appropriate for a boy. No more tank tops, hip high shorts, flip flops, or pink sneakers for the daughter of  Doug and  Winifred Fisker.

The last night in their old home left Kit was unable to sleep as she lay in her alien and rocket ship pajamas, which replaced her amythst colored nightgown that had been decorated with cows jumping over the moon. Kit did her best to block out her mothers sobs as she did her best to whisper, but the angry remark could still be heard through the thin walls.

“I don’t want to lose my little girl. I want to keep styling her hair in braids and pigtails. I don’t want to have to hear you calling Kit champ and sport.”

Kit heard her father hold her mother close, making the bed creak and the bed springs whine d . “I know but today she was nearly kidnapped by those monsters. Remember we’re doing this for our daug ht -son to keep him safe and out of their clutches.”

“If they find her...him...” her mother broke into another sob and whimpered.

When Kit heard the comfort her mother was giving her father was beginning to turn into a round of banana in the fruit salad. She grabbed for the headphones she had that were connected to her iPod and blared her favorite band, Panic! At the Disco. She blared the song, This is Gospel. As she drifted off to sleep, the song ended just in time for Kit to hear her mother complying to her father’s begging to be called a bitch.

The next morning while her parents were loading boxes into the moving  truck. Kit was in the bathroom using a bought do-it-yourself kit, she had bought at Walmart with Madeline and Zoe. Since she was planning on doing this anyway, this would be her last tie to feminism, her own little spark of rebellion.

Kit’s parents took over three hours to pack the moving truck with all of their belongings, she had no idea that her father had bought the house in Colorado a month ahead of time, as if he knew that their lives were about to be turned upside down once again.

Kit was just finishing packing her travel bag with her Dungeons and Dragons guidebook when her father entered without bothering to knock. “Come on, sport, everything is...” he stopped midstetence gaping like a fish out of water, his face turned as a red as a tomato.

“No son of mine is going to be walking around with that color of hair! Dye it black right now, so it will hide that girlish color! Boys do not dye their hair such...such a...”

Kit finally let all of her feelings out into the open with an explosion of anger. “I AM NOT YOUR SON, I’M YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER!”

Her mother rushed into the room and held Kit tightly, clamping her free hand over mouth. Kit squirmed and tired to break fee of her mother’s hold finding it unbelievable that her mother was so strong. Kit realized that the classes her mother took at the local gym were not only self-defense classes but always to restrain people. A sudden sharp pinch like a mosquito bite made Kit want to cry out, tears blurring her vision.

“This is for your own good….pumpkin. Trust us.” 

The last words Kit heard her mother spoke as she slipped into the darkness of unconsciousness was, “Let Kit keep the color. It will be hard enough that our baby will be losing  _his_ memory of why we had to move.”

Kit woke up in an unfamiliar bedroom with forest green bed sheets, most of his things unpacked and his goldfish, Gary swimming lazily in its bowl.

He was still wearing his spaceship and alien pajamas, but the smell of freshly washed clothes made him notice the  Skeletor for president t-shirt, navy blue sweatshirt, jeans,  and a pair of black and white sneakers with socks stuffed in sat on the floor by the bed. 

“Sweetie, hun, you all dressed?”

Kit hastily dressed into everything and out of his space pajamas, just as his mother knocked on the door.

Once his parents stood in the doorway, Kit could only stare back. His head felt fuzzy and thick, like it was full of cotton. He felt as if he was forgetting something very important, but no matter how much he tried he could not pull the nagging thought from out of the abyss of his forgotten thoughts.

“Do you like your new room, sweetie?” his mother asked, but before Kit could answer his father bombarded him with another question.

“Son, do you remember why we moved to this quiet mountain town?”

Kit blinked struggling to form a coherent answer. Shouldn’t he know that? Shouldn’t he remember why they had to move from their last home? Kit tried not to panic as he realized he could not remember anything, accept for waking up here in a new room, with his the only pet he could remember having, a goldfish named Gary.

Kit glanced up at his parents, they were talking in a hushed tone. Speaking behind their cupped hands, but he could still hear them.

“He can’t a remember a thing.” His mother said, Kit found it odd that she was pleased with news. Shouldn’t they be concerned.

His father nodded hastily in agreement, “That’s good, that’s good that he doesn’t remember.”

Kit’s mother smiled gently, “Uh, sweetie. We want you to have fun here, why don’t you go out and make some friends.”

“Right, get on out and play, son. Like normal kids.” his father said, his voice quivering with nervousness.

“We’ve got some money for you on the counter, sweetie. Just be back before it gets dark.”

Kit simply stared at them again, the way his parents were acting seemed far too weird. When his father said with heavy sarcasm, “Yeah, we love you too.” with a shrug and an angry glare, Kit could only look at him in confusion.

Was his father mad at him for not speaking, for not saying I love you? Kit let out an annoyed sigh and decided to shrug off his father’s weird behavior.

His mother was right, he should probably go out and make some friends, that couldn’t be too hard to do, could it?

Kit glanced over at his Dungeons and Dragons guidebook. A small smile crept up, he could easily treat this suggestion from his parents like a quest.

Besides there was nothing worse then being the new kid in town, and he wanted to get to know the small mountain town known as South Park.

Suppressing the negative thoughts in his head, Kit said goodbye to Gary, and left his new room.

He was going to embark on his first quest: Making friends.


	2. Welcome to Kupa Keep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to end this chapter in the middle of the tutorial, I am sorry for ending it the way I did. But the game does really give you a good stopping point, plus the chapter was getting really long. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please leave a comment or kudos! Chapter 2 will be posted on Monday, August 20th.
> 
> -little sloth

Kit left the house with seven dollars and forty-four cents jingling in the pouch of his hoodie. He was proud of himself for deciding to go scavenging for more change before he grabbed the measly two dollars made with quarters off of the kitchen counter.

As he made his way down the steps, he could not help but notice the white snow that covered the ground. It bugged him that he could not remember if he had ever seen snow. Kit’s stormy ocean blue eyes strayed away from the red two-story house that he was supposed to call home and the sign that I had a yellow sticker slapped on to with the writing in white letters saying sold.

Kit slowly walked down the sidewalk taking in his brand new surroundings. A snowman with a blue scarf and an odd stuffed animal jammed into two tree branches.

“You shall die by my war hammer, drow elf!” A boy with spiky blond hair shouted at a boy that dressed in Robin Hood-style garb with fake pointed ears and a sword made from card board.

Now interested Kit watched for a moment as the boy with blonde hair, who looked nervous and panicky struggled to put bravery into the words that he spoke, “I banish you to the forest realm!”

Of course the elf boy countered, he did not look he was frightened in the least, “No way! “Nuh uh, I banish you first! You can’t hold out much longer!”

The worry in the other boy’s eyes increased and he did the only thing he could do to protect himself from further harm, he shouted the one word that made Kit leap into action, “Help!”

The new kid of South Park punched the boy pretending to be a drow elf in the face. Not hard enough to leave a bruise, but just enough to get him to back off. Kit could not helping rolling his eyes as the boy with the cardboard sword whined, “No fair, that’s cheating! I’m telling my mom!” as he rushed off and crossed the street.

“Thanks kid, I didn’t realize he had a health potion. I am Butters the Merciful, a paladin. I live right next door to you, we should be friends.” The blonde spiky haired boy, now known to Kit as Butters the Merciful introduced himself with a warm smile.

Kit smiled back and could only bring himself to nod. It was then that a buzzing sound came from Kit’s phone, he was almost hesitant to look at it, hoping it was not his parents telling him to return to the house already.

It was a friend’s request from Butters which he gladly accepted. Kit looked up at Butters, hoping that the paladin wearing a navy blue cape over a blue shirt and wearing a circlet made out of cardboard and painted gold, a purple gem in the center, (and wielding an actual hammer that made Kit feel a little concerned) would take him to meet more of the neighborhood children without Kit having to ask. For reasons unknown even to Kit, he was frightened to speak.

Butters waited patiently for Kit to put his phone back into his pocket before he spoke again.

“Now that we’re friends, you should speak to the Wizard King, he’s been talking about your arrival. The wizard lives this way, in the green house over there.”

Kit followed Butters, he could not believe that the softhearted boy had so easily accepted him. And he was invited to join their game of elves and wizards without even having to ask. He was excited and to Kit’s own surprise he was eager to fulfill his quest of making friends.

“Hey where you live from?” Butters asked as the passed a light red house.”Where’d you live before moving here?”

Kit could feel panic rising as he realized he did not have an answer for Butters question. He could not bring up a single memory of where he and his parents had lived before moving to South Park. Not even the name of the elementary school he had attended before in his previous home town. Kit shoved the worry thoughts of the fact that he could very well have amnesia, and that his parents did not seem to care about the state of their only son’s mind and continued to trail after Butters.

“You like Colorado?” Butters questioned, he was trying to Kit to open up so he could learn more about his new friend, but once again Kit was afraid to speak. An answer to such a simple question would not leave his mouth.

“Why are you wearing your hair like that?”

This final question before they reached the front door of the Wizard King’s house made Kit only just as curious because he could not recall why he preferred his hair to be highlighter pink and long almost to his back with a messy bedhead look on top. But if he could be honest to Butters and just reply, he would have told him that he liked the style, he found it comforting in all the confusion he was currently enduring. He did not mind sticking out in the least, Kit liked this aspect of himself, even if he had forgotten everything else.

Butters gently knocked on the door and without even an inquiry of who it was a severely overweight boy answered the door. The boy’s teal blue witch style hat covered his hair completely in the front and he wore robes of a dark magenta color along with a purple cape. In the wizard’s hand was a long knotted branch, that Kit could only guess was meant to be staff that channeled the wizard’s magical powers. Butters turned around his back now facing the boy with the teal witch hat. The teal witch hat had a yellow star sewn into the front with a smiley face in the middle.

“All hail the Grand Wizard!” Butters announced with a flourish, his hands in the air, a worried look and fear creased his once happy features.

Kit raised an eyebrow, did Butters the Merciful, the kindhearted paladin who struggled to be fierce, was afraid of the Wizard King? Did this self-proclaimed ruler of what Kit could only assume was the human realm within this game of pretend, did he rule with threats and an iron fist?

“So you are the New Kid?” the Wizard King asked, and continued when Kit remained silent. “Your coming was foretold by Cold Well Banker. I am the Wizard King, but the time for talk is not nigh, let me show you my kingdom.”

Now that Butters and Kit were following behind the Wizard King, Kit now noticed that his hair was a light brown. The woman who sat on the couch looking at her phone, with dark chocolate hair and wearing a blue sweater with a white frilly collar and red pants, looked up from her phone and smiled at Kit. “Oh Eric, whose your new friend?” the woman asked actually interested in her the friends her son kept.

The Wizard King Eric replied rudely, “Shut up, mom. Not now.”

When Kit walked up and was about to introduce himself, Eric said with a rude and commanding tone. “Don’t talk to her, she’s not part of the game.”

Kit’s face crinkled with concern, shouldn’t he get to know the parents of his new friends? Or was this Eric, Wizard King of the human realm so immersed in this game of pretend that he blocked out reality, at least while they, the children of South Park had the freedom to play, before they were swept back into a world that was controlled by the adults around them. Bedtimes and school, homework and studying for tests. Kit could understand the need for an escape, but the rudeness that came out of Eric’s mouth was truly annoying.

As they exited from the sliding glass door and into Eric’s backyard, the Wizard King proudly said, “Welcome to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep!” The roads were outlined by ropes and held down by rocks. Standing off to the right side of the road with a table that said armory was a boy with a read coat wearing a helmet made from cardboard and painted dark gray.

Eric introduced him, “Our weapon shop here is tended by Clyde, a level fourteen warrior.” As Kit approached the warrior named Clyde, he could not help but notice the pair of scissors that he kept in the belt around his waist. Did he craft the more simply made weapons himself? Kept in a garbage can were thrown out street signs and hockey sticks. Hanging above wear shields made from cardboard and tire rims. There was even a jousting spear made from cardboard.

To the left was a handmade pen made from rope and pieces of wood, with a single gray cat held within. A boy wearing a green hoodie, a brown circlet on his head. He had four dot freckles underneath both eyes with a swollen tongue, he guarded the feline. He was introduced by Eric next, “Here you can see our massive stables, managed by our level nine ranger, Scott Malkinson. Who has the powers of diabetes.” Kit nodded in conformation, now the dark green sash that was across Scott’s chest made sense, it had small pockets that contained tiny vials of insulin and injection needles.

Eric then stood in front of the castle to the right where a flag donning a white and black purple star with a red circle in the middle, he stood next to a boy wearing a that looked like it was once a Halloween costume for Princess Zelda from the video game series. The wig was placed over the boy’s orange parka hood. “Here of course, is the lovely and breath-taking Princess Kenny. The fairest maiden in all the kingdom.”

Princess Kenny took a piece of the wig’s hair and twirled a strand around a finger of his white glove in a flirtatious manner. Eric cupped his yellow gloved hand as if to whisper, but he did not even bother to lower his voice. “Don’t ask why Kenny is playing a girl, that’s just how he seems to be rolling right now.”

Kit shrugged, he was not bothered by it and neither did anyone else seem to be, it only seemed to bother Eric.

Once Eric was done introducing all the citizens of Kupa Keep, Kit added them as friends with a push of a button his cellphone.

Kit approached the Wizard King, he finally felt comfortable enough with his new friends to pick his class and join the game. “You have been sought out New Kid because humans everywhere are in great danger. I need something from you and in return I am prepared to allow you into my kingdom.”

“I know you are very excited.” Kit could only stare, he was but he was not so sure if he liked Eric, from how Kit had seen him act he was rude and bossy. If Kit could and had the bravery too, he would have taken the citizens of Kupa Keep and joined with the Drow Elf rebellion.”It is time to begin your first. But first please tell us thy name.”

Kit opened his mouth to speak, but he remained mute. Eric smirked in amusement as Kit wrote his name down on a handmade scroll with the other citizens name scribbled upon it. “You wrote Douche-bag is that correct?”

Kit glared and shook his head. Eric only smiled and looked at Butter’s for a second. “Are you sure you want to keep the name Douche-bag?”

Once again Kit shook his head but Eric pushed Kit over and scribbled out his name with the pencil that Kit had slammed down in frustration. Eric snickered and wrote down Douche-bag. “Very well, Douche-bag,” The Wizard King grinned, “You shall now choose a class.”

Eric pulled a set a well crafted cards from out of the pouch around his waist and sat them on the armory table where Clyde was now rolling up the scroll. “You may choose from Fighter, Mage, Thief, or Jew.”

Kit raised an eyebrow at the Jew card, this class was obviously a disgusting and hilarious joke to the Wizard King.

Kit picked up each card and when he did, Eric gave an explanation and his own opinion.

As he picked up the fighter card, Eric explained, “A Fighter has courage, honor, and the ability to kick fucking ass.”

Kit placed the fighter card back into its spot and picked up the mage card, “A Mage is like a Wizard only not as cool.”

Kit set down the mage card and held the thief card, “You look sneaky enough to be a theif.”

Kit was not sure if he should take Eric’s words about the thief as a complete or an insult.

He set down the thief card and picked up the Jew card, “Jew, huh? So I guess we’ll never really be friends.”

Kit held back his anger and frustration at Eric’s insensitivity, and picked the Mage class. He would show Eric the Wizard King, Ruler of Kupa Keep, that a Mage could be even cooler then a Wizard. Besides he had the Harry Potter series placed on his bookshelf in his room, his mother must have put them there. Which meant that if Kit loved magic becoming the Mage class was the closest he was going to get within the walls of Kupa Keep.

“We welcome Douche-bag the Mage to Kupa Keep.”

Butter smiled and jumped a little into the air, he was genuinely happy that Kit had now become a Mage and cheered. “Hooray!” Butters rushed into the depths of the castle and came back with a worn teal bathrobe and a circlet made from cardboard and covered in duct tape. He placed the circlet upon Kit’s head and helped him into the bathrobe. Kit had shed his hoodie leaving it in Butters’ trustworthy hands. Kit’s Skeletor for President t-shirt now clearly visible..

Eric cleared his throat and the excitement left Butters’ face, the paladin became an emotionless mask again, which worried Kit. Eric then said, ‘Now go procure yourself a weapon and we shall teach you how to fight.”

Kit nodded and left the front of the castle to stand in front of the Clyde at the armory. The warrior greeted him, “Would you like to see my wears weary traveler? Perhaps you would like to hear some tips and rumors for two dollars?”

When Kit didn’t answer, Clyde let out an annoyed sigh and handed him a magic wand, that was truly just a simple stick. Kit bought the wand for two dollars and thirty four cents. Clyde said with complete sarcasm, “Ah, a lovely purchase.” A measly stick and he had paid money for it? Wouldn’t it break in combat?

Kit equipped the wand by tucking it into the side pocket of his blue robes and then took it in hand again once the Wizard King approached him. “Ah, you have procured a weapon, nice. It is now time for me to teach you how to fight.”


	3. Defending the Keep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 will be posted on August 27th. Please leave a comment, I love the kudos and the viewing numbers, but I won't know how I am doing with this story if I don't receive any feedback.

Kit the Mage braced himself as Eric was about to give his command and name Kit’s opponent, his magic wand in his hand. If he believed in god, he would have prayed to him to keep his wand in one piece. What use would a wand be to a Mage if it was broken?

“I want you take your weapon and with the bravery of a noble knight, beat up Clyde.”

Kit looked over at the matching look of surprise that was on Clyde’s face. The warrior was only able to question the Wizard King’s command, “What?”

Eric only smiled, “Kick Clyde’s ass new kid.”

Clyde through out his arms wide in protest and proclaimed, “What’d I do? “

Eric’s temper raged as he pointed at Clyde with a pudgy accusing finger, “I’m the king, Clyde! And the king wishes to be amused!” He then glanced at Kit and said more calmly but still in a commanding tone. “Go on new kid, kick his ass.”

Butters rushed over and handed Kit a fistful of fire crackers, which Kit tucked into the other pocket of his robes. Butters also handed him a bag of unopened snacks. “You’re going to need these.”

Kit “Douche-bag” the Mage smiled softly in thanks and prepared himself, as he and Clyde stepped into the arena, which was rope shaped into a large circle and then placed in the dirt.

Clyde then took his wooden sword from his belt and with an angry glare, shouted, “I’m gonna kick your ass!”

Kit could only sympathize with the warrior, he did not like that Eric was simply using them to deplete himself of his own boredom, and the only way to get this so-called training over with was to fight Clyde and win.

Eric stood on the lowered wooden drawbridge of Kupa Keep and said, “Clyde you have to wait your turn.”

“That’s lame!” Clyde yelled, glaring at Eric.

Eric swiftly rebutted, “No Clyde, it’s like olden days, you have to wait your turn. Like in the Middle Ages, Clyde. I know it’s lame, Clyde, but that’s how we’re fucking doing it.”

He then turned his attention to Kit, “Alright Douche-bag, bash Clyde’s face in. Don’t be shy.”

Kit rushed forward and made to hit Clyde as hard as he could with his magic wand, even with Clyde attempt to block Kit was still able to poke him with his wand. This small victory pleased the Wizard King, who shouted in mirth, “Oh, hell yeah! Clyde’s your bitch!”

Eric then gave his next command, “Okay, Clyde is wearing armor. I want you to hit Clyde as hard as you can.”

Kit did as he told and hit Clyde as hard as he could. He did not break his armor, but Kit’s efforts were at least keeping the Wizard King happy.

“Fucking nice, brah! I think I see blood!” Eric grinned, “That’s just want you do to a guy wearing armor like that. Okay, listen up, the key to surviving in battle is not to get hit in the balls.”

Kit raised an eyebrow at this strategy of survival, when he had asked his parents about his odd lower anatomy, they simply said that there was an accident during his birth and that was only way the doctor could fix him. And that Kit was perfect just the way he was.

Eric continued with his instructions even with Kit struggling to pull himself out of his own thoughts, “Clyde it’s your turn to attack. Douche-bag protect your balls.”

Kit could only nod, trying to remain confident as he made to block Clyde’s attack. “Prepare yourself!” Clyde hollered as he charged. Kit held his wand in front of him and braced himself for the impact, Clyde did not hit hard enough to break Kit’s magic wand, and Kit was able to block it. But Kit had the feeling that the only reason Clyde was not hitting as hard as he could was do that the warrior did not want to have to go outside of Kupa Keep and find more magic wands.

Eric looked at Kit with pride, “Yes, that’s what I’m talking about! Dude, you’re already way better then Clyde!”

Eric gave out his next instruction, “Alright, it’s time to use your heroic powers. Using your ability takes power points or PP for short.”

Clyde laughed, “PP!”

This only angered Eric once again, “If you have a better fucking name for them, then fucking say it, Clyde! I’m the king, and I say it’s PP! Douche-bag use your mage ability to make Clyde pay for insulting the king.”

Kit ignored Eric’s childish outburst, trying to cover his own snickering with a cough. He dug out the fire crackers that Butters had given him and prepared to light them. If this would stop Eric’s endless commands for the day, Kit would do as he said and then hopefully get to explore the rest of South Park before it got dark.

Kit with magical power known as dragon’s breath prepared, he ran at Clyde the bursts of flame making the warrior stumble and shout in panic.

Wizard King was not pleased with Kit’s meager efforts, at least he did not lose his temper this time. “Dude that was lame. Try again.

Kit readied his dragon’s breath spell once again and charged at Clyde. As the spell finally worked in Kit’s favor, Eric smiled. “Way to wipe that stupid smile off of his face, Douche-bag! Now do it one more time, finish him!”

Clyde only glared at Kit and the Wizard King. “What? I was going easy, take this!” He charged for the Mage of Kupa Keep, anger blazing in his eyes as bright as the fire on his helmet or at the least the ones made out of yellow and red paper shaped like a crown, that he had place upon his head, to symbolize that he was receiving burn damage.

Kit blocked his blows and struck the warrior back, he was not going to go easy on him, just because Clyde was being a sore loser. Clyde in his anger of being outmatched by a newbie in Kupa Keep yelled, “I dodged that it! It didn’t count!”

Kit merely blocked his blows, blocking minimized damage, but Clyde’s health was so low that Kit’s defense left the warrior lying on his back, sobbing in defeat.

Kit’s victory made Eric belly laugh as he proclaimed, “Dude, that was awesome! You were all like ‘finishing blow’, and Clyde was all like, ‘oh no!”

Clyde stood up and brushed the dirt from his clothes, his face a cloud of anger as he stormed off back to the armory.

Eric continued to laugh so hard that he was slapping his thigh, he then took a deep breath and regained his composure. “Okay, okay. You’ve proved yourself worthy Douche-bag. Now come inside the war tent and I shall let you see the relic.”

Kit followed Eric into the tent to find a white pedestal. On the white pedestal was a red and gold throw pillow, and what rested on the pillow illuminated by an overhead lamp was simple stick.

“Here it is the relic that has our land in a never ending war. The relic that have made humans and elves ready to die to claim its power, the Stick of Truth. Just two days ago we took the stick back from the elves. Our kingdom was dying, but now it thrives. For whoever controls the Stick. Controls the universe.” The Wizard King then turned his head away, blocking his gaze from the Stick of Truth with his gloved hands. “Don’t gaze at it too long! For its power is too much for mere mortals to look at!” Eric then turned around and placed a hand on Kit’s shoulder so he would turn away with him.

“Now that you have seen the Stick of Truth, let’s discuss your dues. Being the member of my kingdom costs nine ninety-five for the first week. Four dollars of which is...”

Eric was cut off by Butters crying out, “Alert! Alert! Alert!”

The Wizard King’s face became panicked, “Someone has sounded the alarm!”

Kit rolled his eyes behind the King’s back and could only think, “ _No shit.”_

Butters came running into the war tent, panic and fear in his voice, “Alarm! Alarm!”

The Wizard King quickly shouted in reply, “What is it?”

Butters lifted his shaking hand and pointed toward the outer walls of Kupa Keep. “The elves are attacking!”

Eric’s face crinkled with anger as he began to bark orders, “Guards! Defend the Stick!”

Kit took a few moments to calm himself before rushing into the fray, his magic wand raised. The King stood outside of the keep, still giving out orders. “Man the gate! Don’t let them through!”

A crowd of Elves stood outside an opened back gate, all wearing Robin Hood-style clothing. Their leader demanded, “Give us the Stick, humans!”

Eric quickly retorted, “Fuck you, drow elf! Come and get it!”

Kit glanced over at the boy he was supposed to be calling his King. He was seriously egging them on, provoking a battle? Kit braced himself and decided to just roll with it, hoping he would not die in the process of defending the Stick of Truth.

Eric then turned to Clyde, “Clyde, guard the Stick of Truth! While we defend the fortress!”

Clyde ran off to do as he was told, and replied with the most Middle-Age type yes he could answer with. “Aye! Aye!”

Eric sighed in frustration, “Aye-Aye?! We’re not playing pirates, Clyde!” he shouted at Clyde’s back, the warrior making way toward the war tent.

Eric then looked at Kit. “Douche-bag, this your chance to prove yourself. Hold off the asshole elves at all costs!”

Kit wanted to question the Wizard King’s orders, knowing that Eric had already told him he had prove himself worthy by defeating Clyde. But he thought better of it and rushed into battle!

First the Mage of Kupa Keep fought to rescue Butters the Merciful from an unfair battle of two against one. Kit’s opponents were both obviously elves. One fought with a wooden sword, the other a bow. Kit felt sightly angry and annoyed that the Wizard King still felt that he needed to coach his Mage from the sidelines and spit out orders.

“Do it, Douche-bag! Kick these elves’ asses!”

Kit was able to block a ranged attack from the archer, but still found himself wounded. It wasn’t a bad wound, he was not bleeding or so low on health that he risked permanent death. But Eric still felt the need to yell at him, “You’re wounded, Douche-bag! Potions will heal you, here!”

The Wizard King, who left others to do the fighting, tossed a potion to Kit that he easily caught. He tore it open and stuffed the contents into his mouth, chewing furiously, just to get Eric to shut his mouth. Of course, once Kit had swallowed, Eric was back to giving a lengthy explanation. “Rules state that you can have one potion per turn, I asked for five, but this was the compromise.” Eric still continued talking, leaving the two elves to start getting antsy. One elf rushed him and Kit blocked easily, he then learned from Eric that he was now able to counterattack, Kit did so by poking the boy in the butt with his magic wand. “Defeat the elves in the name of the Wizard King!” The founder of Kupa Keep ordered.

Kit rolled his eyes and returned his focus to the battle at hand, the Mage of Kupa Keep defeated the archer with a single powerful strike with wand. He took down the elf wielding the sword with a combination of counterattacks and a blast of his dragon’s breath.

“Great job, Douche-Bag!” Eric praised him, but Kit ignored him and helped Butters’ to his feet. Kit ran as fast as he could to aid the only animal that lived within their massive stables, the ash gray female cat named Kitty was doing her best, but once again, just like Butters, she was outmatched.

It was in this battle that Kit learned what the term reposing meant, an enemy wearing camouflage and wielding a baseball bat with nails in it seemed to be just standing their waiting for Kit to strike. When Eric ordered him to kick his ass, Kit found that his attack did not do any damage to his opponent and instead he was the one who ended up hurt.

Eric only laughed, gleefully enjoying the fact that Kit had trusted him enough to heed his advice. Kit made a silent promise to himself that he would not allow himself to be tricked so easily anymore. Eric wiped the tears away from his eyes and still with laughter in his voice said, “Aw, he was totally waiting for you, dude.”

It was then in a midst of the fight that Kit remembered gifting Princess Kenny a daffodil as she had so kindly requested, before he had followed Eric into the war tent to witness the relic that gave the owner the power to control the universe. In return Princess Kenny had given him a bow and quiver with arrows, at least she and others of Kupa Keep were kind. Using his meager archery skills and his magic he was able to loot the defeated enemy warriors, and defeat the ones that were kicking a fallen Scott.

Kit let out a sign of relief as the leader of the elf army yelled, “All elves fall back! Fall back!”

Eric let out a cheer of victory, and Kit nearly forgot that in a chaos of all the fighting that he heard Eric yell out to their level fourteen warrior, “Clyde wear the fuck do you think you’re going?!”

After Eric’s victory dance was over, Clyde inched his way toward the Wizard King, fear clear in eyes and face. “It’s gone.”

Eric glanced over at Clyde. His face losing its joyful expression. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he asked, “What?”

Clyde answered hastily, “The Stick of Truth, the elves got it.”

It was then that Eric’s rage spewed from his mouth like lava from an erupting volcano, “THAT WAS YOUR ONE GODDAMN JOB, CLYDE! TO GUARD THE STICK OF FUCKING TRUTH!” Eric took a deep breath and still with volcanic level rage gave Clyde the ultimate punishment, Eric was so close to Clyde’s face, that Eric’s pronounced word spit landed on the warrior’s face. “Clyde, you are here by vanished from space and time!”

Clyde furiously fought against such a punishment, with wholehearted and foolish bravery he stood up to the Wizard King. “What?! No, you can’t do that!”

“Yeah, I can! You’re banished and lost in time and space!” Eric did not give Clyde any ground to get him to back down from his decision.

Butters spoke his agreement, all but happily to support the Wizard King of Kupa Keep. “Yeah, go home, Clyde!”

Once Clyde trudged off angrily, muttering curses to himself. Eric turned to Kit, at first he thought it was going to be another order was going to pass from the Wizard King’s his lips. But what he said instead surprised Kit.

“You fought bravely on the battlefield, Douche-Bag.”

Scott stepped forward only to give Kit his own praise, “The new kid may be a douche-bag, but he sure can fight.”

Eric shot down Scott’s somewhat confusing complement. “Shut up, Scott. No one cares what you think.” He then returned to what he wanted to say to before. “Anyways, I have a bigger problem now. The Stick of Truth as been stolen, and we must assemble our entire army in order to get it back.”

Butters quickly gave the reason they might not be able to retrieve the Stick from enemy hands so easily, “But our three best warriors still haven’t reported for duty, My King.”

“Our newest member can take care of that.” Eric then guided Kit a little bit away from the rest of the group to give his order. “Douche-bag I want you to go out into the neighborhood to find my greatest warriors. Token, Tweek, and Craig.” Eric then took out his phone from where it was tucked away in his cloak. “I’m texting their pictures to your personal inventory device now. But beware, the lands outside are full of marauding drow elves, monsters, and sixth graders. Make sure you are well equipped, now go send my warriors here.”

He let out one final command, this time to the paladin. “Butters go with him.”

Kit smiled a little, he was glad that he would not be going alone. Butters was the first one to befriend him, who else could he trust more to have his back during battle?

Kit stocked up on a few potions and then with Butters by his side, they ventured into the depths of South Park to find Wizard King’s bravest warriors.


	4. A Gas Mask, Vengeance, and Meth Heads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kudos! I hope you will continue to be supportive of this story, chapter 5 will posted on September 3rd. Please leave comments too, I want to make sure I am doing the best job I can in writing this story.  
> -little sloth

The Tweek Brothers Coffee’s back room, smelt heavily, of well, coffee, as Butters and Kit entered. A boiler chugged and groaned loudly as steam rose out of it. The back room felt hot and muggy like a sauna. It was there that Butters and Kit found Tweek.

He had light blonde hair that stuck up all over the place like a porcupine, as is body shook as if he was constantly having a seizure while awake, the buttons on his green shirt were buttoned half haphazardly, exposing his stomach. He was busy trying to get dust and spilt coffee grounds off the floor with a broom.

Kit handed him the letter written by the Wizard King.

Even Tweek’s voice was shaky and full of panic as he replied, “What’s this?” His body twitched uncontrollably when he saw the letters and he let out a short yell. “Now? The guys need me now? There’s no way, man, I have way too much to do.” Tweek’s eyes continued to open and close, as the boy, who was obviously fueled by caffeine, continued to panic.

He then gripped Kit’s mage robes and yelled, “How am I supposed to do all this!?” Tweek blinked and calmed down for a moment, as his coffee charged brain came up with a solution. “Wait, you! Could you go get the five o’clock delivery for me? If you do, I can finish h-here and then I’ll still have time to play!” Tweek’s voice then took on a pleading tone. “Please, would you?” He then handed Kit an envelope. “It’s at Kenny’s house like always.” His eyes twitched once more, “You give them this, they’ll give you the delivery.”

Kit clutched the envelope in his hand. How could he say no to Tweek? The poor boy needed all the help that he could get, and if playing helped Tweek to not be so stressed out, then Kit would happily pick up the delivery and bring it back.

Finding Jesus and helping Al Gore would have to wait, getting Tweek and rescuing the Stick of Truth from the enemy’s clutches seemed far more important.

Kit dug his phone out from the inner pocket of his robes and checked the map. He wanted to check to see if they were closer to Princess Kenny’s home, or if they would have to take an alternative route. From what Kit could tell they were actually closer to where Token lived. After they recruited him, they could then head back to the market place. Across the street from the Photo Dojo was the park, then they could get to Kenny’s.

With his mind made up, Kit the Mage and Butters the Merciful made there way to Token’s home. Of course they had to fight the elves that waited for them at the movie theater, or otherwise they would have to run away, and Kit did not feel like being a coward.

The victory was an easy one, and ignoring the taunts of the theater ticket guy, they continued on their way.

Kit’s eye grew wide with awe and wonder when they approached the home where Token resided. The estate was so ginormous it even had its own name and security guards.

Dark Meadows seemed like more of a fortress then the puny cardboard one of Kupa Keep. And Kit found himself excited to meet Token and to see the rest of the grounds.

A balding and chubby security guard stood in the mage and the paladin’s path to deliver the summons from the Wizard King. Kit approached the guard, hoping that the adult was at least friendly.

“This is a gated community, sir. We do not allow in the riffraff, move along, sir.” the security guard said in a deep gravely tired voice. Kit narrowed his eyes, himself and Butters were not riffraff and they needed to give Token the letter. Kit stepped closer to the security guard, thinking that maybe he could give Token the letter in his stead. But of course that did not happen, the security guard sprayed Kit in the face and his open mouth with pepper spray.

Coughing and with his eyes stinging and burning, Kit fell on his hands and knees and vomited on the pavement by the security guard’s feet. “If you try to again, I will pepper spray you back to the stone age.”

Kit kept coughing and wheezing, tears of pain blurring his vision as he and Butters walked away from Dark Meadows.

Kit plopped down on to the sidewalk, while Butters sat down beside him, and opened up a bottle of one of their cure potions. The paladin wet a handkerchief from his own pouch and handed it to Kit.

“Put this on your eyes, it’ll help with the stinging.” Butters said gently, rubbing Kit’s back.

The mage did as the paladin instructed and once the searing string in his eyes was gone, Kit used the remainder of the water to squish around in his mouth. He spat it out into a pile of snow, hoping that the taste of vomit in his mouth would reside soon.

Kit’s phone buzzed, and he once again removed it from his pocket. The Wizard King had left a message on his Facebook page. ‘ _HAHAHA, Dude someone just posted a video of you getting pepper sprayed! Hold on I gotta what that again. AHAHAHA, it’s_ _even_ _better when_ _you know_ _what’s coming!’_

Kit scowled and his heart sank a little when he noticed that Butters had like the post. It was the comment below Eric’s that was the most helpful in their task of retrieving Token. ‘ _Jimbo’s Guns carries a selection of gas masks that render pepper spray totally useless as a self-defense. Come visit.’_

Kit grinned, a gas mask was just what he needed, and he could get his revenge on the security guard of Dark Meadows! He checked his map for the location of Jimbo’s Guns and stood up from his seat on the sidewalk, he and Butters set off once again. The journey to Jimbo’s Guns would be a long walk, but Kit knew that it would be worth it, in order to not get pepper sprayed again!

They walked past a dilapidated building that had once been a Chinese restaurant named City Sushi, and then passed a rather impressive tower called Tower of Peace. Kit could not help noticing all of the beer bottles empty or not scattered in the piles of snow along the sidewalk. He could only guess that in a small town, for the grownups at least, who had no imagination left to keep them from the clutches of boredom and frustration, that getting shit-faced was the only thing they had to make themselves happy.

Kit kept up his scrounging of money by whacking parking meters and mailboxes open. Surprisingly, none of the adults seemed to care that he was doing so.

A new restaurant had been built between the Tower of Peace and Jimbo’s Guns. The smell of mangolien food made Kit’s stomach growl, he had been so focused on completing his quest for the Wizard King that he had forgotten about lunch.

The gas mask was his first priority, and then Kit and Butters could grab sustenance. Jimbo’s Guns was filled with fish trophies and flannel. It wasn’t that surprising to Kit, even though he could not recall the last time he had been in a store that sold hunting equipment.

“Well hello there, Jimbo and Ned!” Butters said with a smile once they were at the counter, Kit did his best to ignore the bear skin rug near their feet, and the steer head that was mounted above the man called Jimbo’s head.

“Well, what brings you here today? Business or pleasure, or vengeance?” Jimbo asked, as a true huntsman, he wore an orange suit and hat, with a dark green vest over it.

The man that could only be Ned, wore dark green clothes as well. A black strip of cloth around his head, and dark circular glasses.

“Vengeance!” Butter announced with anger and pride in his voice, Kit nodded in full agreement.

“You’ve come to the right place.” Ned said holding up an electronic voice box to his throat.

Kit made his way all the way up to the counter, even though he was only tall enough to see the guns within the glass case. “Howdy there!” Jimbo greeted him, “Haven’t seen you before, you must be the new kid that moved to town. And you’re into hunting, huh?”

Kit was not sure how to answer that question. He had not seen any hunting rifles or cases at their new home. And with his parents bedroom door being locked, which was odd and brought up a lot of questions in Kit’s mind about what parents might be hiding from him, he could not be sure if his father, or maybe even his mother enjoyed hunting. The only answer he could give Jimbo was a shrug.

“You’ve come to the right place! South Park is chocked full of things to shoot that would delight any taxidermist, survivalist, or weekend animal death enthusiast.” Jimbo said after Kit’s pathetic attempt as an answer, “Ain’t much I can sell to a minor, thanks to the stupid democrats, but if you can prove yourself a real hunter, I might be able to get you some better stuff. You should buy a copy of my hunter’s guide to South Park wildlife. Jimbo held up a copy of a guide book that detailed all of the interesting creatures within South Park “This book thingy here.”

Kit bought the gas mask and the guide book. As long as he didn’t use a gun to hunt these creatures, would his parents be angry?

“You kill anything in that guide, you come back and see old Jimbo and Ned. The best part about of hunting is bragging about it to other hunters.” Jimbo said with a smile.

Kit and Butters left the store, once they were back on the sidewalk, Kit put the gas mask on. For a reason unknown to him the words, ‘ _Are you my mummy?’_ sprang into his head. With this gas mask he could take down the security guard and get the letter to Token!

The very idea of vengeance made Kit grin with excitement, which made him a little worried, was this a normal feeling to have when one has been sprayed with pepper spray for no reason at all?

As they were about to pass the closed mall of South Park, they were met by a pair of elves. The fight had been an easy one. The victory cry that Butters said afterwards made Kit raise an eyebrow, “I think I just found my new bottom bitch!”

Kit decided to just let it go, and they stood in front of the security guard that stood between them and Dark Meadows. The security guard tried his tactic of choice once more, but the pepper spray did not have any effect on Kit, the gas mask worked like a charm! “What the fuck?! Oh no!” he cried out in alarm.

But what Kit had not been expecting was to fight the security guard, and Butters let out a pretty good war cry. “Where going to send you straight to heck!” If he had said hell it would have been better, but Kit didn’t mind that Butters didn’t swear, he found it kind of cute, that Butters replaced swear words with food items.

The battle with the security guard had been a little tough, Butters was not the strongest of paladins and was hurt easily by the man’s taser and club. But Kit made sure that he gave Butters potions, and Kit was able to claim his vengeance.

As the security guard fell unconscious on the sidewalk before them, Kit nudged him with his foot, to make sure that they did not actual kill him. Going to jail for murder was not in Kit’s plans. When the man let out a groan of pain, Kit let out a sigh of relief. With his worry behind him, Kit and Butters walked up the driveway to Token’s house.

A black boy about their age answered the door, he wore a purple long sleeved shirt with a golden T on the front. “Yeah?” he said in a way of questioning Kit and Butters sudden appearance on his doorstep.

Kit remained silent with the gas mask still in place, “Can I help you?” Token asked, Kit dug out the letter and handed it to Token.

“What’s this?” Token quickly read over the summons. “Oh, the elves stole the stick again? Damn it, hold on a second.” He shut the door and left Kit and Butters standing there, feeling awkward as they waited for Token to return.

Token came back wearing a red cloak over his shoulders, a long white sleeved shirt with a lavender vest over it and orange pants. He had brown gloves with gold stars on them, and red strip of cloth tied around his head. In his black belt, he had plastic knives holstered for easy access. Kit could not help feeling jealous, his attire was lame in comparison to the others of Kupa Keep. Maybe when he returned home, Kit could spruce up his own costume? That way, he would stop feeling so lame and out of place.

When Token spoke again, it kept away Kit’s jealousy, and brought him back to the task at hand. “Thank you for thy message, traveler. I shall make haste to Kupa Keep.” With the door still open, Token stepped further into the sitting room, “Mom, can you drive me to Eric’s house?” Kit closed the door and accepted Token’s friend request.

Now it would not take them as long to get to Princess Kenny’s home, give the recipients whatever was in the envelope, get the delivery back to Tweek, and give the poor stressed out boy, who was strung out on coffee, a taste of freedom.

As they passed by the security booth, the officer looked at Kit and Butter with fear in his eyes, “Move along, sir. I can’t look at you without feelings of deep personal shame.”

Kenny’s house was across the train tracks, in a rough neighborhood, where homeless people lurked hoping to get whatever they could off of passersby. When the man attacked them, thinking they were taking his spot of living in a rusted car held up by concrete slabs, all Kit could do was retaliate and beat him up enough to get him to leave him and Butters alone.

The fight with the hobo was not easily won, since the adult man was attacking them with a pipe, throwing empty beer bottles at them, and was fueled by his own drunkenness. Kit did not even know how they were able to knock the man unconscious, but he was glad that they did. Kit had accidentally strayed to far from Kenny’s house and had to turn back around.

The home where Princess Kenny lived was painted a forest green, that had heavily been chipped away, there was clear water damage. The front window was broken, and a pink curtain that was meant to deter light was torn so badly, it could no longer do its job. Kit knocked on the door, hoping to get the delivery and get back to Tweek. He did not wish to get attacked by anymore mentally unstable hobos.

A woman with bright red shaggy hair, wearing a dirty highlighter green t-shirt that said I’m with stupid answered the door. “What?” she asked, her voice was gravely and broken, probably from a lot of arguments and possibly the use of cigarettes.

Kit dug out the letter and handed it to her. “Oh, this isn’t for me. This is for the nice people who are renting the guest house out the back.” she handed Kit back the letter, a key to the guest house, and shut the door.

They entered the guest house without even bothering to knock. A man smoking a cigarette, wearing a dirty dark blue sweater and a pair of worn jeans, and entirely barefoot greeted. “Yeah, yeah. We have the order for Tweek coffee, do you have the envelope?”

Butters spoke aloud, trying to keep his imagination bright as he looked around the garage in horror and panic. There were planks over some type of chemical spill, a table setup like a homemade laboratory, and a burner with a very dangerous and high open flame that burned blue, purple, and yellow. It was far too close to the chemicals for Kit’s liking. If Butters imagination kept him from being frightened and panic, then Kit would follow along. “These witch doctors must be making a secret potion. I wonder if it’s a healing potion?”

Kit handed over the white envelope that was slightly crinkled, only the head witch doctor with his greasy brown hair and matching handlebar mustache to exclaim, “Hey, that’s not the usual kid who picks up the package.”

A fellow witch doctor with longer and lighter brown hair, that was possibly even more greasy and unwashed, even though he did his best to cover it with a smokey gray beanie. The wife beater he wore was filthy and covered with sweat stains let out in a panicked voice. “Huh?” his face then contorted with anger and even more panic. “Oh, shit! It’s a cop!”

He grabbed a plunger as a weapon, a woman with very unkempt blonde hair and a rumbled purple sweater with magenta colored pants joined in, so did the man with the handlebar mustache.

Seriously, they were going to fight these strung out, way too obvious meth addicts in order to get the package and leave? Kit braced himself for battle, he would rather leave with a couple of bruises then end up beaten to death with a plunger.

The meth heads attacked the mage and paladin with broken beer bottles, and a pipe as well. If Kit and Butters were going to survive, they were going to need to end the fight quickly. Kit let out a sigh of relief when the last meth head was on the ground.

Butters, of course, with his never ending rainbow of hope, said after his little victory dance. “I hope they’re just sleeping.”

Kit made to nudge them with his foot, a part of himself hoping that they were dead. But one of the meth users groaned out, “I want a lawyer.” still thinking that he and Butters were cops. In order to get to the special ingredient that Tweek needed, they had to climb up a latter, and walk across rickety shelving and grab the paper bag that was on the shelf above a disgusting mattress. They used the mattress as a slide, and Kit turned off the burner, so the garage would not explode.

“They’re probably scientists.” Butters decided as they left the garage that was by some miracle still standing.

He risited the urge to scratch himself in fear of lice or fleas, and made a silent promise to himself that he would get both remedies on the way home, and scrub himself clean in the shower until his skin was raw, just to be safe.

Before they left, Kit felt the sudden urge to make friends with Kenny’s parents, and possible siblings. He hated that he could not resist the impulse of needing to make as many friends as he could. He was still debating on whether or not to ask his parents about his odd addiction. But they would probably just be happy that it wasn’t drugs or alcohol.

The Mage of Kupa Keep entered the house, the door unlocked. The house smelt thickly of cigarette smoke and split beer. He stood in front of a girl wearing a green coat and had long light brown hair, Kit remained as silent as ever as she spoke. “You must be the new kid! My big brother, the Princess, texted me about you! She thinks you’re cute!”

He said yes to her friend request, and doing his best to ignore the peeled paint and cracked walls, and the fact that their furniture had holes in it. The Mckormick’s television had rabbit ears with one of them wrapped in tin foil, the stand being held up by cinder blocks, as was a part of the coffee table.

The kitchen was not in better condition with food splattered on the cracked walls. The cabinets were falling off of their hinges, and their refrigerator was leaking. Kenny’s mother stood close to the fridge and unclean counter smoking a cigarette. “Sorry about the renters.” she said while sending Kit a friend request from her phone, the death stick now hanging from her mouth, so she could use both hands. “Usually, they’re real fun and energetic.” she left her explanation and apology at that, taking another drag from her cigarette.

Kit and Butters left Kenny’s house, triumphet in their quest of fetching the package for Tweek.

If Kit was able to get all three of Kupa Keep’s best warriors, they would probably end up being a force to be reckoned with. Or at least Kit hoped they would be. The most difficult was going to be Craig, having to rescue him from detention was not going to be an easy task.

They returned to Tweek brothers’ coffee, the scent of coffee, even with its bitter taste, was much more pleasing to Kit then the secondhand smoke. Kit entered the back room alone, while Butters decided on what snack to get.

Kit smiled a little when he saw how happy Tweek was. Kit was more then happy to hand over the brown paper bag that was filled with meth. “You did it! You got the pickup! Aw, thanks man!” Tweek then yelled over his shoulder to get his father’s attention. “Dad! I finished my work, can I go play?”

Mister Tweek approached his son, “Where’s today’s delivery?”

Tweek handed the bag of meth to his father. “Right here.”

Mister Tweek stuck his finger into the bag after wetting it with his mouth. Kit was not sure if he should be surprised by this or not. He lifted his meth covered finger to his mouth and sucked it clean. “Yep. That’s good shit. Alright, Tweek, you can play for a little while. But be home before dark or you’ll grounded. Grounded like the fresh grinds of our all organic tweak blend, made with ingredients from local tweakers.”

“Thanks kid, I gotta change, and then I’ll meet you at kingdom.” was Tweek's way of saying goodbye for now, as he left the shop in a hurry.

Now they could make their way back to Kupa Keep, and hopefully once Butters told the Wizard King what had happened to Craig, they could formulate a strategy to free him from detention.


	5. Finding Jesus and into the Dungeon of South Park Elementry: Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments, please! Chapter six will be posted on September 10th.   
> -little sloth

The return to Kupa Keep was bittersweet, Kit had not gotten to explore South Park as thoroughly as he had wanted too.

Scott the ranger and Princess Kenny joined Kit and Butters outside of the war tent. They were quickly joined by Token and Tweek. The twitching coffee (and probably unknown to even himself)/meth addict was shirtless now. He only wore a pair of green pants, a bow in his hands and a quiver over his shoulder. Tweek had also covered himself in streaks of black war paint.

“All soldiers reporting for duty, Grand Wizard!” Butters announced.

Eric made his way out of the war tent and toward his loyal army. “Nice work, Douche-bag.” he praised Kit. “Now all my men are here and ready to fight for the-” Eric stopped speaking, confusion on his face, as he noticed that one warrior was not among them. “Wait a minute, where’s Fellspar? Where’s my level twelve thief?” the Wizard King demanded, Kit would not have been surprised if Eric through a tantrum now.

Butters stammered out in inquiry and looked around, pretending to be just as confused as Eric. “H-Hey, yeah, where’s Craig?”

Kit resisted the urge to roll his eyes, disappointing the Wizard King and facing his wrath, was probably as bad as getting grounded for Butters the Merciful. But did Butters really need such an awful person as their self-appointed Wizard King to like him? Was Butters afraid of being banished and lost in all of time and space?

Token was the one who gave Eric the answer he probably did not want to hear. “Craig’s in detention.”

“What?!” Eric growled in disbelief.

Tweek piped up this time, the only one who seemed to be afraid of Eric’s temper was Butters. “He flipped off the principal. So he’s in detention again.”

Eric turned to the side, gripping his staff, and his voice thick with disappointment, but his face and eyes concentrating on crafting a plan. “Oh, my God.” He now faced his back to his warriors, ready to make a dramatic speech, as he revealed his plan. “If they locked away our thief in detention, we have no hope of getting back the Stick of Truth.” Eric made it seem as if his plan was crafted by a flash of inspiration. “We have to break him out!”

Eric’s declaration caused Tweek to panic and screech, his eyes twitching as he spoke. “No way, man!” Tweek protested, “Last time we broke Craig out of detention, we all got in trouble!”

The Wizard King spun around to face them all, he was once again angry because one of them dared to be against his plan. “Getting into trouble is a risk that Douche-Bag is willing to take!”

Kit felt his face drain of color, and he glared icily at the Wizard King. If anyone should be risking getting into trouble it should have been Eric, since it was his plan after all! Kit did not want to get in trouble the first day he moved to South Park. For all Kit knew, maybe him getting into trouble was what had caused his parents to move to the quiet mountain town.

Eric stood in front of Kit, the mage’s own fear, panic, and shock leaking past the anger that seethed below, “You have to break out our thief, Douche-Bag.” Eric was quick to reassure him, “But don’t worry I will not let you go unprepared. I’m going to teach you how to use magic. Meet me in the training grounds, it’s time for you to learn dragon shout.”

Kit raised an eyebrow at this, how would learning a spell called dragon shout be helpful in breaking Craig out of detention? Reluctant but curious, Kit joined the Wizard King at the training grounds. The Mage prepared himself for another long winded speech.

“You fight well, Douche-Bag.” Eric said as they stood in front of the targets. “But to truly suceed in combat, you must learn to harness the power of your farts.”

Kit could only look at Eric in disbelief now, farting could be considered as magically? Before Kit had left the kitchen in his home and had met Butters, he had released an explosion of ass gas so fowl and disgusting that his father, who had been sitting on the couch watching television nearly vomited at the stench. His mother, with her cheeks puffed out as she held her breath, attacked the nausea-inducing cloud with febreeze while his father struggled to open the windows.

Kit had to smother his gleeful laughter as he exited the house, his measly amount of money making music in the pouch of his hoodie. Kit nearly grinned at Eric, if learning this fart technique called dragon shout would help in freeing Craig, then he was all for it!

“Farting on an  opponent at  _ precisely  _ the right time is key to battle. I shall show you how it’s done, but first you must take the gentleman’s oath.” Eric said, Kit had never seen him so serious. “You must promise to never ever fart on anyone’s balls.”

Even though Kit was uncertain if he even had balls, or would be considered a boy among his peers if they discovered his medical condition, he complied to the gentleman’s oath without hesitation.

“Okay, farting on an opponent is necessary, but farting on someone’s balls is _not_ cool. You understand?”

When Kit nodded in conformation, Eric was perhaps just a little bit pleased. “Alright, let’s begin your training.”

Kit failed to produce the dragon shout on the first try, perhaps because he was use to being polite in front of others, but once Eric told him that did not have to worry about being polite in battle, Kit’s second attempt was a success.

Eric’s eyes widened in awe, “My god, a man could live a hundred years and never again witness a spell so glorious. Could it be that the prophecies are true? Could it be that the Dragon-born as come at last in our of need?” once Eric was done with musings, he smiled in a trickster manner. “Now let us try your skill on a real opponent.” the Wizard King beckoned for Princess Kenny to join them, hardly able to control his laughter.

When the breath-taking Princess Kenny was across from him, Eric demanded, “Alright, you two, spar!”

Kit released the dragon shout without hesitation, which delighted Eric but left Princess Kenny muttering angrily at the Wizard King, “Fuck you, asshole!”

After Eric proclaimed that Kit had mastered the magic spell. He flicked his hand in the air as if he was shooing away a fly. “Now go get Craig, while I rest and relax on my throne.”

Kit let out a sigh of annoyance, but he was glad when Butters volunteered to accompany him, and even Princess Kenny was going to aid him in freeing Kupa Keep’s level twelve thief from the boredom of detention.

The road to the elementary school was fraught with enemy battles, but Kit also took the brief freedom from the Wizard King to continue his exploration of the realm. When the trio entered Tom’s Rhinoplasty, Butters somewhat complimented Kit. “You don’t need to get work done. I think you have a great nose, what I would worry about is your hair.”

Mrs. Marsh the receptionist was kind enough to send Kit a friend request and add him to the email list, after handing the mage a brochure that listed all the procedures and prices. “Sometimes we have to for one specials.”

If it was anything that made Kit rush out of the waiting room, it was the horrid music that was being blasted from the speakers. After defeating a pair of elves outside of City Hall, Kit made up his mind to go the church. Maybe if he found Jesus and asked him for help via prayer, his parents would finally stop keeping secrets?

When he entered the church, he was surprised to hear giggling coming from behind a set of pews. Could a fellow kid or even a pointy-eared enemy be hiding within the place of worship? Kit could not help investigating, he needed to find out who the giggle belonged too!

Kit nearly pissed himself in surprise when the Son of Christ himself stood up from where he had been hiding crouched behind the pew. “You found me!” Jesus said with a smile on his face, and a giggle. “Next time, finding me won’t be so easy.”

Kit did his best to stop his racing heart as all he could think in his head at the moment was, “ _Holy fuck, Jesus is fucking real and alive! He likes to play hide and seek!’_

Once he was calmed down enough, Kit exited the church and made the choice to explore the pine trees surrounding it for enemies. There were not any enemies to be found, but he did discover an Ipad lying in the snow. He placed the expensive electronic device within the backpack, when he returned to the priest that sat on the bench near city hall to tell him that he had indeed found Jesus, perhaps he could find who the owner of the Ipad was along the way.

But for now he had to return to the task at hand, rescuing Clyde from detention and returning the Stick of Truth to its rightful place at Kupa Keep was far more important.

In order to boost his own confidence and to keep his fear at bay, Kit spread navy blue war paint on his face in the parking lot of the community center. It had been a thank-you gift from Tweek, and hopefully it would make Kit look braver on the outside then he felt on the outside.

“Dead human walking.” An enemy announced as they approached the school, Kit should have known that the elves were not going to make their rescue mission easy.

Kit ignored them for a moment and hauled himself onto the windowsill to scope out where Clyde was being held prisoner.

“Craig! Craig, this is detention, m’kay? Stop looking at your watch because you are here for three hours, buddy, m’kay?” the guard of the detention room said, he wore a green shirt and had on a black tie that looked like it was secured around his throat a little too tightly, his glasses only helped the grownup see better, but did not hide his anger at the thief.

“Whatever.” Clyde responded, taking his eyes off his watch for a moment.

“Don’t think your friends are going to come bust you out this time, Craig.” the angry man retorted.

“My name is Fellspar and I’m a level six thief. And the humans will soon rescue me from this tower.” Clyde said in an almost bored tone.

The guard of detention only became more angry at the thief. “No, your name is fucking Craig Tucker and you’re in detention! Now start doing your homework!”

Craig looked down at his watch again, while he continued to talk. “I’ve got all the doors sealed, and I’ve got hall monitors working overtime! Nobody’s going to save your ass today, Craig, m’kay?!”

Kit dropped back down into the snow, now that he had the information he needed, it hopefully would not be too difficult to spring Craig.

Kit and his fellow warriors defeated the pair of enemy elves outside the school, and opened the entrance doors to the school. They were met by a very pale kid with red hair and freckles, the white sash across his chest clearly said hall monitor in black lettering.

“Excuse me but school is out and no student is allowed on the premises until tomorrow until seven thirty AM.” the hall monitor told them, that was all the words he was able to get out after Kit whacked him with his newly required wooden mallet.

Butters did not wish to fight, or get in trouble, so he brought up a suggestion. “What if we just make friends instead?”

Kit was not bothered by the ache to make friends at the moment, and all the hall monitor seemed prepared to defend the tower as the redheaded boy taunted them. “Let’s see what you got!”

The hall monitor was easily defeated, as he lay crumbled on the ground, he gripped his walkie talkie with shaking hands and spoke into it. “Officer down. Officer down, send backup! I repeat, officer down, all hallway monitors to the right hallway.”

The man who guarded the cafeteria did not realize that his walkie talkie was very much indeed working and swore in frustration, “Goddamn it!”

Kit could practically here the slick smile of satisfaction on Craig’s face from where he, Kenny, and Butters were listening in from the defeated hall monitor’s portable radio. “Here they come!”

“They aren’t coming to get you, Craig! You aren’t getting out of detention!” the man who Kit could only assume was a teacher bit out angrily.

Craig’s remark was filled with defiance and the cocky attitude the thief must been known for, “I’ll be out of here in ten minutes.”

The radio’s battery died at that moment, just as Kit was about to mug the redheaded kid of all he had on him, Butters gave him a warning, “Careful Douche-bag, this dungeon holds many secrets. They guarded these halls at first with everyday monitors, but then the Evil Lord Mackie rose an army of gingers to protect his precious after school detention. Now these minions lurk the halls terrorizing and suspending the innocent.”

Kit took what the ginger had on him, and checked his phone just as it buzzed in the pocket of his robe. It was message from the Wizard King, ‘ _I forgot to mention that the school has gingers on hall monitor duty. If you get bit, you’re already dead so don’t come back and infect the rest of us.’_

Kit decided to heed both of the warnings he was given and to proceed farther into the dungeon with caution.

Taking out the gingers that guarded the beginning of the right hall were easily rendered unable to complete fighting as they continued further into the dungeon. Outside the locked cafeteria doors, Evil Lord Mackie called out, “You’re not going to be able to get through this door! M’kay? You might as well give up, because I hid the key somewhere and you’ll never find it in my office.” the Evil Lord swore when he realized his mistake, “Oh, damn it!”

Kit and Butters, with Princess Kenny trailing behind, continued to proceed in a high alert mode as they made their way to Evil Lord Mackie’s office.

“Legend says that there’s a sixth grade monitor with a zillion freckles and clipboard made of human bone.” Butters informed Kit after he had knocked out the lesser of the Evil Lord Mackie’s lackeys. Apparently he was not a teacher as Kit had first thought, but the school counselor, the office was locked up tight. “They say he has a freckle for each kid he suspended.”

Kit sighed, this mission was not going to be as easy as he had hoped it would be. Kit tried to jiggle the lock loose, but the padlock refused to budge. Butter let out a groan of disappointment, but he also gave Kit the information they needed. “Aw, we can’t get in without the silver key!”

behind a door that had the words faculty only on it, they heard an order be given, that could only be from another hall monitor. “Search him!”

“No, no! Get away from me, you freaks!” the kid protested.

Kit made up his mind and decided to fight the gingers in order to save the kid from being bitten, because for reasons unknown to Kit, it was a horrible thing to endure. Unfortunetlty, their rescue efforts were thwarted by the factually door being locked and an iron gate that blocked them from going further down the hall. To make matters worse, a pair of ginger guards stood behind it.

“The holder of the brass key will never surrender!” the monitor guarding the gate shouted.

To Kit’s surprise it was Princess Kenny that helped them out of the predicament. She flashed the guards her boobs, and then while he was distracted thanks to his own horniness, had opened the gate to get to her melons, she knocked him out before he could touch her with her trusty silver mirror.

Kit could only nod in appreciation, the Princess was using her femininity to get them to Craig, and that was all. But Kit could not figure out why he did not also become a drooling boob-grasping clawed zombie like the ginger had. Maybe he just didn’t care, just like he didn’t care that Kenny was a boy playing as a kick ass Princess?

Leaving it at that, they found the ginger who held the brass key, he was wearing a light blue shirt and holding the key in a taunting manner. “You can pry the key from my cold, dead hands!”

Before they engaged in battle with him, Kit took out his teammates by knocking a heavy bulletin board loose with an arrow, trapping them underneath. Doing this made the fight a little bit easier on all the warriors of Kupa Keep.

With the brass key within their grasp, the guardian of it, dragged himself toward his radio and spoke into it, “Officer down! We’re taking heavy casualties out here!”

Evil Lord Mackie was quick to reply, “Damn it! You hall monitors need to stop playing around!”

The defeated keeper of the brass key answered in a shaky voice, “He’s got the brass key! He’s some kind of Dragon-born!”

Evil Lord Mackie did not find the hall monitor’s imagination amusing in the least. “Now look, this is detention time, not time to play Dungeons and Dragons! And besides he’s never going to get inside here, cause to open the door you need the gold key, and the only way to get the gold key is by the getting silver key, m’kay? Which even if he had the brass key, he still hasn’t made it passed the boss level.”

The brass key was their ticket to getting inside the faculty office. Now they could rescue the kid who was being held captive by the gingers. It was not an easy task getting to the wounded human with the barriers made from books and tables, but somehow with a few scrapes and bruises they were able too.

Butters was able to heal the kid’s more severe injuries. The kid stood up and weakly smiled as he said. “Thanks, I thought for sure I was a goner. There were too many of them, they were too strong. Their hair too red.” He took an object from the back pocket of his jeans, and placed it in Kit’s hand. “Maybe you can take the silver key and find the gold key. You can succeed where I have failed! Free Mackie’s prisoners!” he then ran from the room, and probably out of the school entirely.

Kit looked down at the silver key he now held, could he really obtain the gold key and defeat the boss that waited for them? The boss’s need to suspend them probably growing even more as Kit was held down by his own doubts.

Butters laid a reassuring hand on Kit’s shoulder, “You aren’t alone, Princess Kenny and I are here to help you!”

Princess Kenny nodded in agreement, a muffled, “Let’s go kick some ginger ass!” coming from the depths of his orange parka.

Kit smiled a little and put the silver key into the front pocket of the backpack beside the brass one. He was not alone, rescuing Craig from this dungeon was not impossible, no matter how much it felt like it was.

Kit forced his doubt and fear away.

The paladin, mage, and princess walked down the hall to Evil Lord Mackie’s office.


	6. Into the Dungeon of South Park Elementary Part II and Battle with the Bard-Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy chapter six, I will be posting chapter seven on Monday, September 17th. Please leave a comment or a kudos! :)  
> -little sloth

“I sure hope the gold key is in there, or otherwise the quest for the gold key has been all for nothing.”

Kit stopped and turned to look at Butters and Kenny, what the paladin said was right, but would Evil Lord Mackie really give them false information, just so they would fail in their mission to rescue Fellspar? What if Evil Lord Mackie was also genius? Perhaps, but it did not seem that way so far.

“We can’t give up now!” Princess Kenny did her best to give Kit hope.

The Mage of Kupa Keep, did his best to brace himself to for either the deafening blow of defeat, or to be delighted in their victory. Even though it twas going to be a small victory, but it would get them one step closer to completing their mission.

The trio stood in front the counselor room door, Kit removed the silver key from his backpack, and inserted it into the lock. He waited and listened for the sounds of an ambush, to hear if there were any war cries coming from any of the surrounding hallways. Thankful there were not anymore hall monitors coming to suspend them yet, Kit opened the door. He allowed Princess Kenny to enter first, and then he and Butters followed behind.

“Careful, Douche-bag. This is Evil Lord Mackie’s lair, one wrong step and we could end up in detention.” Butters warned him a whisper. 

Kit gave him a thumbs-up, to show that he understood. First, the mage took whatever was useful for them to survive, out of Evil Lord Mackie’s cabinets, drawers, and file cabinet. Once he was done stuffing all of the loot into the backpack, he glanced up at a shelf that was near the clock. There was the golden key.

T he mage took out his newly required dodge ball from the backpack, and gently threw it at the golden key, it fell gently onto the ugly brown carpet below their feet. Kit picked up gingerly, and held it out so Butters and Kenny could take a look at their prize.

“The gold key, no human has ever laid eyes on it before, or held it in their hands.” Butters said in awe. “Let’s hope it holds the power to unlock the cafeteria door.” Butters took it from Kit, and put it in the backpack.

Now, they would face their final challenge, defeating the boss. They stood in front of the cafeteria doors, Kit  put the key inside of the padlock, but found it to be stubborn to unlock .  A cold shiver slipped down Kit’s back as a voice spoke from behind him. “That’s far enough, intruder.” Kit turned around to face the last line of defense that Evil Lord Mackie had. The ginger haired sixth grade hall monitor, he was pale, and had so many freckles that Kit could not count them all. His hair was in the shape of a high top style, he wore his white hall monitor sash with pride.

“Where’s your hall pass?” the sixth grader demanded.

Before Kit could even form a reply in his mind, to speak aloud, the hall monitor spoke again.

“No hall pass, then it’s time to write you a referral.” the sixth grader took out his weapon of choice.

It had a long wooden handle, with a silver chain that was connected to what was either an oddly lined red basketball or a very large dodge ball. Kit was able to dodge the first blow, and took out his long wooden mallet. There was not anymore time left to spare, they needed to defeat the sixth grade hall monitor if they were going to succeed in rescuing their thief.

“Oh, yeah! That’s the boss, good luck fighting the boss, m’kay. You still think this is a game young man?!” Evil Lord Mackie taunted them from behind the cafeteria door.

The boss took out his walkie-talkie, and spoke into it. “Deadly force is authorized.” he announced, rand two of his hall monitor lackeys appeared to aid him in battle.

“They’re going to kill you in detention!” One of the lackeys with a horrible bowl cut shouted.

In the battle, the sixth-grade hall monitor boss had powers that made Kit want to piss himself, he had the power to call their parents! The only way to stop him was to use the dragon shout! Fuck being polite in public places, Kit was not going to allow himself and Butters to be grounded!

Kit let out a sigh of relief as he blasted the hall monitor with his ass gas, his powers of being a tattletale were useless for now, as long as the boss was stunned, and the sixth grader looked as if he was going to vomit. Kit grinned, pleased with himself.

Their victory was well earned as the hall monitor and his lackeys fell. “I wasn’t worthy of the sash.” the boss groaned in defeat.

Butters jumped up and down with joy, “Another victory for the good guys!”

Kit smiled, and Princess Kenny cheered along as well. Their rescue mission was nearly over, and Kit could not be more relieved. The mage finished opening the cafeteria doors and walked into the dungeon, feeling like Aragorn in Lord of the Rings.

All of the imprisoned children cheered and ran out the door, to the freedom they so rightly deserved! “Damn you, Craig!” Evil Lord Mackie shouted, raising his fist angrily in the air.

Once they were out and back in the open air, the thief of Kupa Keep stood in front Kit. “Thanks for busting me out, kid. Who are you?” Kit kept his usual silence. “What’s your name?” Fellspar questioned, now seeming frustrated with Kit keeping his mouth shut, but the thief simply shrugged it off, “Oh, well. I’m heading to Kupa Keep, see you there, I guess.” Craig continued on his way.

Kit did not want to return to the Wizard King yet, instead he decided to go and purchase more supplies, he was out of food that would aid him in regaining his fart manna. He had used all of it, defeating the sixth grade hall monitor.

The mage wondered the town for as long as he could, he entered city hall and met the mayor. She gave him the oddest quest he had received so far, she wanted him to beat the crap out of every single homeless person in South Park, so they would leave, and the town’s reputation would be restored to its former glory. Kit was not sure how beating up the homeless would help, but since it was the mayor who had given him the quest, he felt like it would be rude for him not to comply.

Kit also spoke once again to Father Maxi, and he gave Kit hope that he would once again gain victory in Jesus’ game of hide and seek.. “Do not despair. You can find Jesus, only to lose him later. But the soul, who does not abandon its search, will surely be rewarded with his company. Remember that.”

The mage made up his mind to go back to the church, and find Jesus once more. Kit heard the familiar giggle as he approached the alter. Kit moved the lights, so that Jesus’ shadow would come to life, after he turned off the overhead lights. Jesus’ shadow appeared over the golden cross that hung above the alter.

Jesus popped up from behind the pedestal, and looked as delighted as a child in a candy store. “Well done, my son. I hope that you remember, that I will always be at the side of those who have found me. You can call me once per day with this.” He handed Kit a rosary, “But I can’t help against bosses. They’re scary.”

Kit glanced down as his phone buzzed, he quickly accepted Jesus’ friend request, and Priest Maxi’s. He carefully put the rosary into the inner pocket of his robes. Once they were outside there was a message from Priest Maxi, ‘ _I’m glad that you found Christ, my son. Be ye ever vigilant, for He may be found in the unlikeliest of places in times of need. I found Him in my chimney once.”_

There were also messages between Token and Eric. _‘My class is Healer. You can’t just change it to Blacksmith, Cartman.’_

The Wizard King’s reply made Kit cringe. ‘ _Don’t fight it Token._ _You’re a born Blacksmith. I just look at you and I think Blacksmith, you know? Not sure why.’_

Kit tucked his phone away, he would reluctantly need to return to Kupa Keep. Their armory was the only place where he could get potions and manna increasing foods. He approached the Wizard King, not sure if he would receive a reward for rescuing Craig, or not. Not that it mattered if he did, but it would be nice all the same.

Eric began a speech as soon as they were all gathered around him, “Gentlemen, thanks to the New Kid, our entire armory is assembled. It is my belief, that the new kid deserves to rank up in level. To honor his efforts, he will no longer be called Douche-bag. New Kid, I hereby dub thee, Sir Douche-bag. Congratulations.”

With the level up, Kit received a new circlet with a blue jewel in the shape of a star that rested in the center, new robes, and a new wand, called the Wand of Wizarding, it could cause his enemies to start on fire. They were still the same blue color, but the ends of the sleeves were now decorated in gold with magenta circles. Everyone applauded for him, but Butters was the only one that seemed genuinely pleased with Kit’s promotion.

“Now then, we must take back that which is rightfully ours. A carrier raven has come with news that the Stick of Truth has not yet been taken to the elven forest. It is in the possession of The Bard.”

Kit wrinkled his brow in confusion as everyonelse’s faces became white with fear, their mouths agape. “The Bard?!” The ranger exclaimed with fear shaking his words.

“Oh, God, not the bard!” Tweek screamed, twitching with panic.

Butters calmed down first, and explained to Kit why the Bard was one to be feared. “The Bard is a level ten drow elf, who can use magic to enchant and destroy his enemies.”

Everyone departed to prepare and train. The Wizard King spoke to Kit once more, “Are you ready to continue training? Then make haste to the training grounds.”

Kit met Eric at the training grounds, ready to learn a new form of fart magic. “I’m going to teach you a ranged magic attack. It’s not easy, but being able to cup a spell from a distance can save you in battle.”

Once the Wizard King  demonstrated how this new ranged fart magic was to be cast, Kit did his best to perform it just as well.  I t saddened him that it took him more then a few tries, to master the Cup-A-Spell technique.  O nce he did, Eric called a fellow member to be Kit’s  opponent , not for Kit’s sake, but for the Wizard King’s own amusement.  Kit felt awful for having to use the form of fart magic he had  just learned on Scott. 

“Use it wisely in battle, Douche-bag. And never on a man’s balls.”

The Wizard King returned to the entry of the war tent to make another announcement. “If the carrier ravens are correct, the Bard is hiding out at the Inn of the Giggling Donkey. We must find him before he is able to take the Stick back to the elven forest.”

Butters raised his hammer in the air and shouted, “Let us fight the Bard and bring him to justice!”

“Make haste to the Giggling Donkey!” Eric cried and everyone rallied behind him to return the Stick before it was brought into enemy territory.

Before Kit followed everyone out the door, he bought more then potions from Scott, so with his secret within his backpack, he ran upstairs to the Cartman’s bathroom. He was nervous and sweating, desperately trying not to hyper ventilate. He had bought a wig and some face paint earlier, and he could not help thinking, actually knowing that this new attire would make him feel more like himself. But he also knew that the rest of Kupa Keep Klan would probably treat him like an outcast, if they found out his secret.

He dug out the two small cases of face paint and followed the instructions to apply it correctly. First he added the snow white face paint first, and then with a gentle and practiced hand, that he did not even know he possessed, he added the amethyst colored paint around his eyes, shaped like butterfly wings, he even added the swirls. He glanced down at the instruction manual, it was called retro glam makeup.

Next he dug out the Lolita wig he had purchased. It had amethyst colored hair and a teal bow on top. He put it on over his usual highlighter pink, messy bed headed looking hair. Once he knew that the wig was secure, he added patches onto his clothing and weapons.

Kit added a patch to his Mage’s Ring of Protection. The patch would supposedly heal five hit points each turn in combat. He then added a patch to his dodgeball that added ten fire damage if he was able to preform a perfect attack. The final patch that he added was to his Wand of Wizarding, even thought it already added plus twenty fire damage, Kit felt like adding a patch to it, it couldn’t hurt his chances for a victory against the drow elves.

He secured a patch that added twenty gross damage, when his attack was perfect. He also added a patch that added ten shock damage if he was able to execute a perfect attack. Finally feeling fully prepared, Kit headed downstairs, to join the rest of the clan.

Once they made it to the blue house that apparently held the Inn of the Giggling Donkey, they all hid behind snow covered hedges.

“There it is,” The Wizard King announced, “The Inn of the Giggling Donkey.”

Eric then turned his attention to Butters, “Paladin, are you sure the bard is hiding out in there?”

“That’s what Twitter says.” Butters answered.

“Carrier raven, Butters!” The Wizard King corrected the gentle-warmhearted paladin angrily.

“Sorry, sorry. That’s what the carrier raven says.” the Paladin replied, feeling shaken that he had messed up.

Eric then took his attention toward their healer, “Token, guard the back door.”

The Wizard King then the princess, paladin, and mage what he wanted them to do. “Butters, Kenny, Douche-bag. Let’s go inside.”

They entered the Inn of the Giggling Donkey. Jazzy upbeat music was playing, and the walls were decorated with swords, shields, and helmets. Seated at the three tables were rough and tough looking rogues.

“Stay close, Sir Douche-bag. The Inn harvests the scum of all Zoran.” The Wizard King cautioned Kit.

Eric walked up to the bartender, trying to seem casual. “Glass of needle wine, please.”

The bartender barely looked up from the glass he was cleaning as he responded, “No needle wine today. Only fairy ale.”

“A glass of fairy ale then.” Eric took his drink, and then asked with the worst sounding casual voice asked, “So has anyone, uh, seen the bard lately?”

The needle on jazz record screeched to a halt, the entire inn now dangerously quiet.

Eric took up his drink and sipped it everyone staring at him, “A cup of fairy ale isn’t much, if not accompanied by some bardic poems and songs.”

The bartender was quick to respond, “Sure, he’s here alright. He’s got a room down in the cellar.”

The Wizard King spoke up once again, “Ah, then I shall pay handsomely for his services.” He drank the rest of his fairy ale, tossed the cup to floor, and threw some pennies at the bartender. “Sir Douche-bag.”

Kit, Kenny, and Butters followed after their king, all three of them on high alert for enemy attacks. As they stood outside of the cellar door, Eric spoke his commands. “Butters, Douche-bag, go down and flush him out. Princess Kenny and I will be waiting up here to murder him. Remember, the bard can use songs to enchant. Don’t let him get to you.”

Butters opened the door, and Kit followed after him. The cellar was dark, with only the light from the hallway above them, the paladin and mage made their way, cautiously.

“You think the bard’s really down here?” Butters asked, they both stopped in their tracks when they heard the strumming of a lute. Frightened and struggling to be brave, Butters and Kit made their way toward the sound.

“Hello?” Butters called out, fear shaking his question.

At the dead end, the music only became louder. Kit and Butters clasped their hands tightly over their ears, but it was a useless solution, and they dropped their hands back down to their sides. “Oh, Jesus!” Butters exclaimed with fright in his wide eyes. “It’s the bard!”

The bard ducked out of his hiding place in the shadows. Kit could now make out the bard’s yellow tunic, his green flowing cloak, and atop his head was a hat with a white feather.

“Prepare for battle, weaklings!” the bard shouted while strumming his instrument. “Elves fall in!”

Kit and Butters were surrounded by drow elves before they had a chance to draw their weapons.

“Douche-bag, it’s a trap!” Eric yelled as he and Princess Kenny were hauled away by two more drow elves, the cellar door slamming shut behind them.

“You should have never come here, humans. I am a level ten bard, and with my lute, I shall empower my guards with magical songs of en-chat-en-chat...enchantment.” The bard scurried away to higher ground, while Kit and Butters were thrust into battle against two drow elf archers, and one drow elf warrior.

The bard stood on a wooden box, and played his lute. The song he sang increased his guards defense and attack. Once they defeated the bards first round of guards, with the aid of Butters’ hammer and Kit’s dodgeball, the bard felled up the stairs. He quickly instructed a pair drow elf warriors and a healer, as they made their descent. “Finish them, I’ll go upstairs and protect the Stick of Truth.”

Kit used his Cup-A-Spell magic to light a lantern a flame, knocking out a few of their enemies. Craig now stood outside the cellar window. “Hey Douche-bag, up here!” Once they defeated three more drow elves, Kit tossed his dodgeball at the window, so Craig could get in.

The thief walked across a plank, and was electrocuted by a damaged power box. Craig fell to the ground, “Ouch, I think my ankle is broken.”

“Let me take a look at it.” Butters said, he and Kit made their way carefully past the broken lantern, and the puddle of water to reach the thief.

“There you go, buddy.” Butters said as he sent his healing magic into Craig, so his broken ankle would no longer be hurting.

“Thank you, paladin. My wound is healed.” Craig replied, getting to his feet and making his way up .

“Can you get us upstairs? I think they locked us out.” Butters asked.

Craig continued his way up the stairs, his lock picking tools in hand. “Nothing a level twelve thief can take care of. You guys go ahead.”

Kit and Butters made their way up the stairs, the mage knew the battles ahead were going to tough, all he wanted to do now was reclaim the Stick of Truth and go home. But perhaps that was too much to ask for?


	7. Battle with the Bard: Part II and an Uncomfortable Encounter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 will be posted on Monday, September 27th. I hope all my readers enjoy it! Review or leave a kudos, please!  
> -Little sloth

Once they were upstairs, a drow elf warrior shouted, “For the Elf King!” and rushed into the kitchen. The entrance to the Giggling Donkey had been blocked by a maze of sorts, with boxes, tables, and mattresses. And of course, there drow elves protecting the maze, they looked like they were ready to draw blood. They were ready to pounce and tear the humans of Kupa Keep apart.

The Wizard King’s outcry of pain from the within kitchen, nearly made Kit jump out his skin. “Someone help!”

“That came from the kitchen.” Butters said, and Kit began to weigh his options he could battle his way to the upstairs staircase, or he could rescue the Eric.

Kit put his dodgeball back in the bag, and equipped the elvish short bow, he had taken from one of their fallen enemies. He ate to replenish his mana, and then only because of Butters looks of worry, did Kit finally relent to aiding the Wizard King.

“The Wizard King is surrounded and hurt badly, we need to help him!” Butters cried out.

Kit let out a sigh, there were three drow elves surrounding the King of Kupa Keep, none of them were wounded, and the mage highly doubted that the Wizard King had even tried to fight back. Kit hit one the drow elves with his Wand of Wizarding, and they were tossed into battle.

“I’m Butters the Merciful of the Knights of Kindheartedness!” Butter said.

It was a tough battle, but somehow Kit and Butters had claimed victory. Kit knew that it was only because he prepared by buying lots of potions, that they had won, and not with their own strength. Kit nudged the Wizard King, hoping to gain his possessions, but to his disappointment, Eric said, “I’m not dead, you can’t loot me yet.”

Kit stepped aside as Butters healed the Wizard King. Once he was healed, at least, enough to speak, Eric said weakly, “His powers are too strong. The bard, he’s up in one of the rooms.” The Wizard King coughed up more blood, before he could speak again, “They took Princess Kenny. They took her p, I’m sure they’re going to rape her. Don’t let them rape, Princess Kenny! No...” Eric passed out from his server injuries.

Kit and Butters left the kitchen, ready to battle their way upstairs, to rescue Princess Kenny.

“The Wizard King is done for!” The bard shouted as he made his up the stairs, and then commanded the rest of the drow elves. “Take care of the new kid, while I go upstairs and to make contact with the King of Elves!”

As they made their way through the maze, Butters mused aloud. “We should leave this inn with a very bad review, once we’re done killing everybody.”

Kit nodded in agreement. “Hey, open the door!” Tweek shouted from the guarded entrance door. All Kit had to do was use Cup-A-Spell to blow the door to pieces, and their reinforcements could aid them in battle.

He had to break the lantern in front of the door with an arrow first, and then he used his Cup-A-Spell technique to blast a large hole in the wall, where the door used to be.

Tweek and Token charged in, Token let out a war cry, “For the KKK!” he then knocked down the gate that was blocking Kit and Butters way to the stairs.

“Protect the bard!” An drow elf shouted that was wearing a gas mask. Now Kit’s fart magic would be useless against him.

“Oh, hamburgers!” Butters said at their predicament. They also had to fight a drow elf warrior and healer, they needed to defeat their enemy before Princess Kenny was forced to give up her virginity!

As they were beginning to lose the battle, Kit did the only thing he could think of. He dug the rosary from within the inner pocket of his robe, and summoned Jesus to aid them.

Jesus landed in between Kit and Butters, a machine gun in his hands. “Lock and load!” He then shot bullets of holy fire at the drow elves, sending them scurrying in defeat. The Son of God then put shades over his eyes, and dissipated in a holy glow of light.

Now that the battle was over, Tweek, Craig, and Token joined them. “Where’s the King?” Token questioned.

“He’s over there.” Craig pointed to the kitchen, “He’s hurt bad.”

“Good thing my medicine skills are plus four.” Token said as he made his way to the kitchen.

“We’ll revive the wizard.” Craig said, “You guys get upstairs.” He then followed after Tweek, toward the kitchen.

Kit and Butters entered the upstairs hallway, Princess Kenny’s muffled cry of, “Help me!’ could be heard coming from behind one of the master bedroom’s door. The mage and the paladin entered, “He’s holding her prisoner!” Butters cried, as a drow elf bounced on the bed, while Princess Kenny stood near the pillows, tied up.

Kit broke the table that was pressed against the wall, then fired one of his arrows at a piece of blue and purple wall art that resembled a latter. Once he was up the broken shelf, he released another arrow, sending the lamp above the lamp down, so it wrapped around the top of the bed frame.

“Oh, shit!” The drow elf said in alarm, when he realized Kit’s plan.

Kit used the cord from the lamp as a zip line and kicked the drow elf out cold and the bed frame was now busted to pieces. Even the bed’s front legs broke, sending one side crashing to the floor. The mage untied Princess Kenny, and she jumped up and down with joy. She left the room, and Kit made quick work stealing whatever was inside the drawers, before he and Butters made their way back to the kitchen.

They met the rest of the clan outside in the upstairs hallway. “Princess Kenny!” Eric said with relief, “How badly did they rape you?”

Princess Kenny let out a muffled reply, “They didn’t rape me, dude.”

Craig, who was struggling to unlock the bedroom door, where the bard was now hiding, said in defeat. “I can’t get through.” He stepped away from the door and told the Wizard King, “The door appears to be enchanted, so I can’t turn the knob.”

Eric turned and jiggled the enchanted lock himself, he then knocked on the door hard with his staff, and said angrily, “You can’t hold the doorknob, bard! That’s cheating!

The bard replied, “Yeah, I can. I have the Stick of Truth, which means I control the universe. And I say holding the doorknob is okay.”

Eric turned to face his warriors. “Ugh! Can he do that?!”

Craig answered the Wizard King, “He has the Stick of Truth, so he can do what he wants.”

Eric screamed in frustration, “Damn it!” he turned around and jiggled the knob once more. “There’s got to be another way into this room!” Eric then took his frustration out on a healing potion.

Kit looked up and noticed a latter that had been pulled up, it had to lead to the attic! But there was a drow elf in the way, keeping from getting into the attic. Princess Kenny lowered the front of her dress and jiggled her boobs, giggling flirtatiously as she did. The drow elf who was guarding the entrance dropped the latter down, “Oh, yeah. What do we got here?” He slid down the ladder, “I’m coming for you, baby!”

The drow elf turned into a booby-grasping zombie as he made his way toward Princess Kenny. “Oh, yeah! Those are some big old bittiess!”

Once he was close enough, Princess Kenny took her trusty silver mirror and whacked their enemy over the head, knocking him out cold. Now they could get into the attic. Eric let out a sarcastic comment as he continued to stuff his face with another potions bag. “Oh, great, Princesses Gone Wild. Hooray for double d buddy powers.”

Kit and Princess Kenny made their way up the latter, only to have enemies waiting for them to arrive. With the help of both Butters and Princess Kenny, they were able to defeat the three drow elves. Kit released an arrow as he hit the blue trunk that rested upon flimsy metal shelving, and once the shelving fell apart, the blue trunk slid off and hit the floor, causing a rather large that lead to the room where the bard was.

The mage didn’t hesitate in the least, as he dropped down and landed on the gray carpeting of the bedroom below. Kit opened the door, and the rest of his fellow warriors, and the Wizard King entered the room. “You’ve no where to run, bard! Give me the Stick of Truth!”

“Let’s see if you can, Wizard King.” The bard replied, taunting Eric. “Step forward now, and fulfill your d-de-destiny!”

Eric was now standing off to the side, while Kit and Butters stood facing the bard. “You’re no match for a Grand Wizard.”

“The Stick belongs with us!” The bard countered. “And I shall use every power in my bardic class to keep it from you!”

“Fine, you wanna throw down, brah?” The Wizard King retorted. “Kick his ass, Douche-Bag!”

Kit looked at Eric with disbelief, did the King of Kupa Keep not have any powers of his own? Did he hide behind a facade? The Wizard King was truly a coward.

The bard face now crumpled up with confusion, “Who is Douche-Bag?”

“That’s Sir Douche-Bag to you! And he’s about to teach you some manners, bard!” Eric said dramatically, and maybe with a hint of pride toward his mage, but Kit could have been mistaken.

Kit braced himself for a difficult fight with Butters at his side, the bard took up his flute and summoned three rats wearing adorable jester hats with his pied piper’s song. Kit knocked a flaming arrow into his short bow, and aimed for the bard’s hat, in an instant the hat was ablaze, and the bard was running around in circles, shouting, “Hot! Hot! Hot!”

The bard’s lullabies enchanted himself and Butters to sleep, no matter how much Kit fought to stay awake, when Kit awoke after a couple of minutes, he noticed that Butters had a rock-shaped bruise on his forehead. Kit could feel his anger growing toward the bard, how dare he hurt Butters! The Bard was going to pay for it, and the warriors of Kupa Keep were going to reclaim the Stick of Truth!

“He’s going to play a brown note!” Butters warned the mage, “Quick, block it out!

Kit was not sure what a brown note was, but with the bard using his cloak to cover his nose and mouth, it couldn’t be anything good. The bard took out his flute, and played a note so deep, that Kit could feel his gas ass magic mana beginning to turn his stomach and bowels. Kit did not know if he could stop the invasion of the brown note, but he would do his best to stop it.

Kit did his best to clench his butt cheeks closed with his hands, but it was no use, soon he had liquid shit running down his pants, and forming a puddle around him. Embarrassed and ashamed, Kit did his best to a shake off those feelings, and to make the bard pay ten fold for embarrassing him.

The mage could not block out the lullabies that the bard played, but he was able to block the sound of the brown note the second time. He used another flaming arrow to set the bard’s hat aflame again, and Butters the Merciful of the Knights of Kindheartedness, healed Kit so he could continue to fight.

With a combination of Butters’ hammer, Kit’s magic and his Wand of Wizarding, the mage and paladin were able to defeat the bard, Kit felt like it was more dumb luck then anything. Butters jumped up and down with glee, and said to Kit, “You’re really good at adventuring!”

Eric took the Stick of Truth from where it had fallen on the carpet, and held it above his head, shouting happily, “The Stick is ours!”

The other warriors jumped and cheered, Kit remained on the carpet, he did not feel like celebrating their small victory against the drow elves. Once he had looted everything he possibly could, himself, Butters, and the Wizard King returned to Kupa Keep.

The Wizard King had given the mage a command, and he was going to follow it. “Hurry up, this inn is no longer safe for our kind.”

The Warriors of Kupa Keep returned to their home base, and Eric put the Stick of Truth back on its pedestal. “The Stick of Truth is back where it belongs.” Eric then left the war tent to address them, “Great job, men. Douche-Bag for your heroic deeds and valiant self-sacrifice at the Great Battle of the Giggling Donkey, I hereby make you an official member of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep. Welcome to the KKK!”

Everyone applauded for him, but Kit could not help feeling confused. Wasn’t he already a member? Was all the battles that he had fought and won, were they just a test of his strength and decision making? Kit decided to just let it go, and to be glad that he made a group of friends, so easily.

Mrs. Cartman opened the glass door and announced, “It’s getting late, the Grand Wizard needs to go night-night.”

Eric spoke back to her with annoyance in his voice, “Okay, thanks Mom for pointing out bedtime for everyone.”

“It’s a school night, hun. You and your little druid friends need to-”

Eric turned around to face his mother, his anger cutting her off mid-word, “We’re not druids, Mom! We’re fucking warriors and wizards!”

Mrs. Cartman approached her son, she looked appalled at her son’s nasty language, and angry that he had yelled at her. “That’s it. You’re going to bed.” She said guiding Eric into the house by grasping his hand, “The rest of you better get home too.”

Everyone dispersed returning to their dwellings. Kit followed suit after he had removed his costume, the wig, and wiped the makeup from his face, by using the Cartman’s bathroom once again. Just be safe, he checked make sure his underpants and pants were still clean. To Kit’s relief they were perfectly dry and not covered in shit. Kit’s imagination was stronger then he thought. Now that he was back in his street clothes, he returned to the kitchen to say goodbye to Eric’s mother.

“It’s late, hun. You should get home, your parents must be worried.”

Kit nodded and left the Cartman residence, making his way back home. Kit’s mother and father were sitting on the couch, when he entered.

“Well, there he is!” His father said with a smile.

“You make any new friends, sweetheart?” his mother questioned.

Kit remained silent, and that did not please his father. “Nothing to say, huh? What a surprise.”

His mother ignored his father’s remark, “It’s getting later, sweetie. Go on up to bed, and I’ll be there to say goodnight.”

Kit nodded and made his way upstairs to his bedroom. His bed looked like the most comfortable bed in the world, as Kit changed into his pajamas. He was exhausted but happy, and he could not wait to get to sleep.

His mother stood in the doorway, happy that her son had gone out and explored their new hometown. “Goodnight, little man. I hope your as happy as we are. Everything is going to be better now that we’re in this quiet little mountain town.” she turned off his bedroom light, and shut the door.

Just as Kit was falling asleep, a bright blue light burned into his eyelids, and a weird worbiling sound woke up him almost completely. There was also the same blue light coming from out in the hallway, beneath his shut door. Before Kit could get out of bed and grab one of his weapons, an alien entered his room.

It was thin and gray, with a spoon shaped head and pure black eyes. Suddenly, Kit was surrounded by four more of the aliens kind, all with the same appearance. Kit wanted to scream for his parents, but he was too frightened to make a sound.

Two of the aliens dragged him out his room, after giving him a light sedative. They continued to drag Kit through the woods and into their ship. Kit saw Evil Lord Mackie wearing blue pajamas, his glasses askew on his face. The aliens had pulled down his pants, and were probing his ass with a device that looked like a dildo. “Ah, I’m having the dream again.” Evil Lord Mackie murmured sleepily.

Kit then passed by a kid his age with the same device probing his ass, “What’s happening?” the kid questioned in a drugged slur.

The only one who seemed to be enjoying the anal probing was a man named Mister Slave. “Oh, Jesus! Jesus Christ!” he moaned in a pleased manner, “Can we try the big sliver one again?”

Kit was then plopped onto a table, a single alien as his guard, that was until two more came up to aid him. They pulled down the pants of Kit’s Terrance and Philip pajamas, fear took over as Kit felt the blood drain from his face, and his body began to quiver. One of the aliens inserted one of the anal probes. Kit did not feel like being violated, even as the probe went in and out of his ass. Kit broke the first probe by clenching his phictor, and the alien who was controlling the levers of the probe machine looked astounded.

The second probe was black and dildo shaped, it was more difficult to break, and Kit was worn out from breaking the first dildo-shaped silver probe, but Kit somehow mustered up the strength to shatter that one too. The alien ran away, and Kit could feel the end of the probe, sliding into his ass.

“Is this your first time being probed?” A man asked with black hair, and a black mustache. He wore light blue pajamas and his probing station was right behind Kit’s. “Yeah, it’s a pain, but this is the kinda stuff you put up with living in a remote little mountain town. At least we don’t have to deal with traffic.”

Kit stared at the adult wide-eyed, the upside of this was not having to deal with traffic? Did his parents know that their frequent alien abductions? “Hey, you broke free!” Kit’s probing neighbor exclaimed, “Kid, you have incredible control of your asshole! Get me loose too!”

Kit would have been more then happy to oblige, and he was glad that he had slept clutching his backpack, like any other kid would a teddy bear. Instead of putting on his mage attire, he put on the set of KKK armor, he had purchased from Scott. He figured that armor would be better then wearing his mage’s attire.

He then secured some patches on to the armor, and equipped the Crutch of Weakness that he had looted from the bard, now all he had to do was figure out how to get out of the electronic bubble shield that surrounded his probing station.

Kit found himself stunned when the probe came out his ass, it looked like a little satellite and it was pinging in unison with another satellite that was above an x-ray, it was black and its lights flashed blue.

“Wow, look at that! You must have broken off part of the probe, and now you can control it with your schictor muscles. Pretty cool.” The man with the mustache, wearing blue pajamas said.

Kit pointed his newly acquired probe, and with a beam of light, and his body feeling as if it was broken into a million tiny pieces, teleported outside of the bubble barrier that was keeping him trapped.

“I’m surrounded by some kinda force field, go find a way to shut it off. When you break me free, I can show you how to get off the ship.” the mustached man said.

Kit nodded, having an adult’s support felt like the best thing in the world right now, but first he would probably need to beat up some aliens, before he could free the mustached man.


End file.
